Honestly, today wasn't very eventful. Probably the most eventful thing right now is my American Horror Story based instagram account. Thing is, I normally get about 20-30 likes a photo, but my most recent photo has so far gotten about 120. 120! That's over 4 times the amount I normally get. Why though? It's just a collage of Lily Rabe's characters in the series, why is it so popular? It will haunt me until the day I die, probably.
In other news, I, quite suddenly, have a fascination with nail polish. I guess you could say I'm a holosexual, because they're all pretty and I want them all. This is really weird for me especially because I grew up being a tomboy, plus I'm not sure if I'm a female at all anymore. So why am I fascinated with nail polish? I'm not sure, but the first thing I'm trying is gradients when I order some good polish. Wish me luck!
I also bought Insaniquarium Deluxe off of the Steam store today. I forgot how fun it was! The game was a huge part of my childhood gaming. My neighbor's mom was a big fan of all things Popcap and all their games, so of course he had a copy of it. We would spend hours upon hours around his computer making money off of virtual fish and protecting them from aliens. I've just been on a weird childhood gaming binge lately, so that's a fun time.
I also got chair audition materials for the top band at my school today, and it is hard as fuck. I hate it but I'll just have to deal with it. I'm just glad I'm in Wind Ensemble at all. I've been auditioning for 3 years now (when I was in 8th, 9th, and 10th) so I'm glad that it paid off that I'm where I am now. The materials are terrible though and I hate them.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table eating some of the coffee ice cream I mentioned and getting it all over everything. Oops. Currently I'm listening to Modern Man by Arcade Fire. I still don't know what time signature it's in, so it kinda frustrates me still.
Sunday, August 21, 2016
august 20 - a summary
Well, I'm annoyed.
It was p chill all day, mostly. My mom and I caught up on Orphan Black (still crying over Kendall Malone) because the weather was crap and we need to change DVRs on Tuesday. I snapchatted people from camp during commercials, one of which I have a very, very large crush on. The problem with this is that two guys (also from camp) are visiting her this weekend, one of which she's pretty much dating. They're brothers, and, while I have both of them added, I only snapchat the older one, while the younger one (whom I also have a crush on) I don't, and that's the one the girl's practically dating.
It sound's ridiculous, but for me it's kinda huge.
So, out of nowhere I get a snapchat from the younger brother. It's a video, so I waited to open it until my mom was out of the room in case the audio was important. It wasn't, but I had to be safe.
So I opened it when I got the chance, and all it was was him and the girl in the backseat of a car. He was smoking a blunt (did I mention all three of them smoke weed?), and he took a drag then leaned over and kissed the girl.
Seriously?
He know how I feel about him, and he's got an idea of how I feel about her. So basically what the fuck.
Was he just trying to make me jealous, by doing two things I wish I could be doing? (Disclaimer, I don't smoke weed... yet.)
I just sent him a simple "K." as a 1 second snap in reply to this. My code for snapchat lengths is this: If I really enjoy talking to you (or i've asked a question or something), you get 10 seconds. If you normally get 10 and I'm kinda mad at you, you get 7. If you really piss me off after this, you get 3. Normal people get 5. If they piss me off, they get 3. No matter who, if you get 1 second, I'm fucking pissed. So I was fucking pissed at this guy.
Now, that was last night and I'm calmer now, but I'm still pretty pissed off about this. Like seriously? Quit rubbing it in my face please? Like, I'm not saying they can't date. They fit each other better than I fit either of them. But why show it off to me?
Funnily enough, the girl is completely oblivious to my feelings towards any of this. She thought everything at camp (which was pretty obvious on my part) was platonic. It's actually really funny when you think about it.
Oh well. At least I got the coffee ice cream and easy mac I've been craving lately. Plus I bought a Camelbak water bottle so I'm pretty satisfied. I also don't work again until Thursday so that's pretty fun.
Plus, today is the brothers' last day here. So they'll be leaving today. Yay.
The song I'm listening to right now is Will You Love Me Forever by Margot and the Nuclear So and So's. I actually know how to play the drums and bass to this song so that's pretty lit.
It was p chill all day, mostly. My mom and I caught up on Orphan Black (still crying over Kendall Malone) because the weather was crap and we need to change DVRs on Tuesday. I snapchatted people from camp during commercials, one of which I have a very, very large crush on. The problem with this is that two guys (also from camp) are visiting her this weekend, one of which she's pretty much dating. They're brothers, and, while I have both of them added, I only snapchat the older one, while the younger one (whom I also have a crush on) I don't, and that's the one the girl's practically dating.
It sound's ridiculous, but for me it's kinda huge.
So, out of nowhere I get a snapchat from the younger brother. It's a video, so I waited to open it until my mom was out of the room in case the audio was important. It wasn't, but I had to be safe.
So I opened it when I got the chance, and all it was was him and the girl in the backseat of a car. He was smoking a blunt (did I mention all three of them smoke weed?), and he took a drag then leaned over and kissed the girl.
Seriously?
He know how I feel about him, and he's got an idea of how I feel about her. So basically what the fuck.
Was he just trying to make me jealous, by doing two things I wish I could be doing? (Disclaimer, I don't smoke weed... yet.)
I just sent him a simple "K." as a 1 second snap in reply to this. My code for snapchat lengths is this: If I really enjoy talking to you (or i've asked a question or something), you get 10 seconds. If you normally get 10 and I'm kinda mad at you, you get 7. If you really piss me off after this, you get 3. Normal people get 5. If they piss me off, they get 3. No matter who, if you get 1 second, I'm fucking pissed. So I was fucking pissed at this guy.
Now, that was last night and I'm calmer now, but I'm still pretty pissed off about this. Like seriously? Quit rubbing it in my face please? Like, I'm not saying they can't date. They fit each other better than I fit either of them. But why show it off to me?
Funnily enough, the girl is completely oblivious to my feelings towards any of this. She thought everything at camp (which was pretty obvious on my part) was platonic. It's actually really funny when you think about it.
Oh well. At least I got the coffee ice cream and easy mac I've been craving lately. Plus I bought a Camelbak water bottle so I'm pretty satisfied. I also don't work again until Thursday so that's pretty fun.
Plus, today is the brothers' last day here. So they'll be leaving today. Yay.
The song I'm listening to right now is Will You Love Me Forever by Margot and the Nuclear So and So's. I actually know how to play the drums and bass to this song so that's pretty lit.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
welcome! - intro
Hello!
So, this is kinda a place for me to rant about the stuff going on in my life, and how my mental illnesses and other things classified as "special snowflake-y" fit in to all that.
A little background here:
So, this is kinda a place for me to rant about the stuff going on in my life, and how my mental illnesses and other things classified as "special snowflake-y" fit in to all that.
A little background here:
- I'm not completely sure of my sexuality. I say that I like who I like, as that is easier to just cover everything.
- I also have some gender identity issues. I currently identify as agender (so basically screw genders i want chicken fries instead) but as I learn more about myself that may change because I'm only 16 years old and who knows, I may just end up being a cisgender female.
- Yay, the mental illness time. I have been officially diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and OCD. Teachers and other people have suspected I may also have ADD or ADHD, but I have not been screened and I am not claiming anything yet.
- I also have severe anger management issues so expect a lot of angry ranting.
- I have also self harm issues. Up until last week I had been about 5 months clean, but now it's only been a week.
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